oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
