Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She bit a glass in half.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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