so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
