Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
