I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm sobbing to NWA
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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