I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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