im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
