my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I forget how to act sober
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
