that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A bitchslap is in order.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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