I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
