Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
