I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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