He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
