Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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