have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
