and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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