We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
