im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
