I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
