when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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