please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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