What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sorry my hands just texted you
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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