I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
