i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize