Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
