Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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