Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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