Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
