My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
