I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
