u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
