Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So gin and wine won't be happening again
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
