After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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