Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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