I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
