I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
