dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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