Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize