so explain again why im purple
no
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
