$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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