my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
