FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
