Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
