p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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