I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
