Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize