if you like me you must not know who I am
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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