I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you would pick up someone in the library
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
