i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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