how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
