Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
