Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
