You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
