so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
