so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
