big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
