she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
