so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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