lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
