yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Two words: blizzard sex
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
