theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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