Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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