nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
