these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
