he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
