wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
