I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
